QUESTION & ANSWER

Have you ever. 1.Smoked a cigarette? :only a few times. 2.Crashed a friend's car? :Never been behind the wheels. 3.Stolen a car? :Nope, not even a toy car 4.Been in love? :yup!! 5.Been dumped? :yup :(( 6.Shop lifted? :Hmm, nope. Guess am too big a Coward for that. 7.Been in a fist fight? : yeah!Sometime my karate practices would turn into one of those :D 8.Snuck out of your parent's house? :Nae, never struck me. 9.Had feeling for someone who didn`t have them back? :Yup kinda. 10.Been arrested? :Nope 11.Gone on a blind date?: Sadly No. 12.Skipped School? :Yes both school & college many times He He He....... 14.Been on a plane? :Yes. 15.Seen Someone die? :Nope,Never want to 16.Been to Canada? :Nope 17.Purposely set a part of yourself on fire? :Nope 18.Been jet-skiing? :No again 19.Met someone in person from the Internet? :soon going to....:) 20.Taken pain killers? :yes many time. 21.Flown a kite? :Sadly no 22.Build a sand castle? :Nope, never been to the beach much 23.Gone puddle jumping? :Yuck! I hate dirty feet. 24.Cheated while playing a game? : Hmmmm, I don`t remember. 25.Been lonely? :yes! still also & a lot back in the past. 26.Fallen asleep at work or school/college? :Yup 27.Used a fake ID? :No, Never. 28.Felt an earthquake? :Yup. twice though but that to be v- mild one. 29.Touched a snake? :Not unless you count a toy snake 30.Slept beneath the stars? :Oh yeah! 31.Been misunderstood? Hmm, a couple of times, on trivial matters to a trivial extent. 32.Won a contest? : Yeah, a couple of time. 33.Run a red light/stop sign? :Humm, no. 34.Been suspended from the school? :Nope. 35.Been in a car accident? :NO 36.Eaten a whole pint of ice-cream in one night? :No:( 37.Walked the street drunk? : No Though. but i wanna to give a try. 38.Had dejavu? :Many times, mostly in childhood 39.Danced in the moonlight? :Hmm, no wait, yeah a couple of times again 40.Witnessed a crime? : Nope not yet. 41.Been obsessed with post-it notes? :Nope 42.Squished bare foot through the mud? :I said i hate dirty feet. 43.Been lost? : Yeah! many time. 44.Been on the opposite side of the country? :Yeah,down there in south. 45.Swum in the ocean? yes. 46.Cried yourself to sleep? : Again allot, in my childhood. 47.Played cops & robbers? :Yeah. 48.Recently coloured with crayons? : yup:) 49.Sung Karaoke? : Nope 50.Paid for a meal with only coins? :Nope 51.Done something you told yourself you would`nt? :Oh!yeah,&DAT too a big one. 52.Made prank phone calls? : Yup, that too my principal & quite a few with my friends too 53.Caught a snow flake on your tongue? :Haven`t seen one even, & you talking of ca hing it 54.Written a letter to Santa clause? :No, Don`t be live in santes. 55.Blow bubbles? : Yup yup yup!!! 56.Bonfire on the beach? :No beach, bonfire in the garden though. 57.Cheated on the test? ; yeah at school time. 58.Gone skinny- dipping in a pool? :Yup in childhood but now no pool, no swims, no skinny dips:D 59.Still miss somebody? :Um mm..... yeah.. i do:(( 60.Pray to God? : yes daily before going to bed:)

ALMOST FAMOUS

The peddlers of dreams have arrived and have sprinkled stardust in the eyes of my friends.suddenly,a lot of people around me have started gearing up to try their luck in the various 'talent hunts' that have replaced the sob operas on television. one has got his hair streaked in rainbow colours purchased a second-hand leather jacket & donned a pair of shades because, according to him,"It's all about looking cool". I think he looks like an alien. Another is investing in a stockpile of mobile SIM cards to gifts to his/her friends so they can help him SMS his way to fame and glory.He now has enough case he doesn't make it to the big league.. And yet another is learning how to shriek hysterically with happiness, & dissolve into tears with equal rapidity,"she declares. And how about practising some singing? i ask, bewildered. Aren't the talent shows suppose to be `platforms for emerging voice of India "? They all give me a pitying look & walk away with their about -to-be famous noses in the air. And who can forget the judges, the true stars of the shows? Ranging from quarrelsome to rude, they convey a gamut of emotions Matched only by complete works of Shakespeare. clad in designer suites, they laugh, fight & stay walkouts better than our politicians in parliament. But the ones who have my full sympathy are the hapless anchors whose job profile have whittled down to announcing the names of the contestants & commercial breaks. they stand in the background, smiling vaguely contestant who breaks down into tears after strategically falling into the anchor's arms. yet, such is the lure of these shows that we all enjoy watching the mellodramma unfold in all its glitzy splendour. maybe it's because they shows ordinary people like us making it to the top. if only for a brief moment. in the end, i suppose, it is about talent. And ever since my above mentioned three friends were booted out right in the first round, my faith in the selection process has been restored.

LET HIM GO

The most different thing in the world letting go of someone you've held close closer than anything else. leaving the hand you had wanted to hold for eternity. it's strange how you always thought of yourself as selfish & yet, here you are thinking about the pain when your heart is crying out wishing for him happiness when all you are left with is sadness. but you loved him and that's what matters no matter how far he drifts apart you'll still love him hate anger,remorse?? why? you always knew it was going to end you were living an impossible dream one that wasn`t happily ever after, there's almost a sense of deja`vu as you had almost imagined it so imagined him leaving you the manner of it is minor detail what will you do now if you meet him again on some corner some road,someday look into those eyes again? or see through him. whatever you do,you won`t escape the dull ache in your heart as you are bathed again in his fragrance of his smile. but these aren't your thought now there's a big long night ahead and there's allot of crying to do:(( one day i started believing in life in love and that very same day i die.

THE PERFECT STRESS BUSTERS

(This post is 4om my another blogside i have written it so well that i like 2 put here aswell it`s among my favourite post) hope u 2 like it;-)) Things that take off my exhaustion and help me look at my troubles straight in the eye.....Play with dog. His cute head tilted slightly , his warm brown eyes probing me and his tail wagging hard, inviting me to run with him and play with him. Gives me the wonderful feeling that someone loves me and looks up to me and is there for me, even if its a dog. His actions make me laugh and I forget all the troubles of the day.I lay on the bed with the lights turned off. The cool white moonlight streams into the room through the window, filling the otherwise blank wall with shadows of trees. Even though black, they take me into a wonderland of colourful imagination...far from the madding crowd. A cold breeze stroking my face, ruffling my hair, and the sound of a single truck growling down a distant road.... take me far from the madding crowd, far from the problems of everyday life.A long drive at night. No one on the road save one or two vehicles. The sky a perfect black jewelbox flaunting its jewels...all shiny and sparkling. Open fields on either side, flanked by trees and hills, a lone house in the middle. Inside the city, houses in different states of their preparations to end the day. Some still lit up, some dimly, some all dark. And while the world's sleeping, I ride along, going where the road takes me. Speed kills...... my exhaustion and anxiety. As I spread out my arms, feeling the air in my face, as the speed gives me the sense of power and control. I hear nothing.....only the wind in my ears. Is it saying something? Listen to my song it says.A jog in the morning. Enjoy the cool dawn......getting up before the Sun, watching nature start a new day. Feeling the cool electric energy rush through my body as I step out of the stale warmth of my room into the fresh air. As I run ahead, watching shadows materialise....when the grey-black world slowly turns colourful. Running hard, panting hard, my lungs taking in the fresh air to their fullest, every sinew of my body straining hard for what its worth for. As body and mind unite towards a single goal....just a little further,just a little further. And when I return, the Sun shining, the World wide awake, starting a new day.....I feel glad that I didn't miss anything. Confident that I can face the new day bravely.

HIDDEN SORROWS

What had I Done? why? It pains, loosing a relation And friend:( An unimaginable agony! did my ordinary expression unravelled you?

why DID I DO:-\

AM I A geek girl?

making both to feel awful.

where will i hide my sorrow now?

if i could, i would penetrate to wipe,

The sorrow but no way to know

where your sorrow are hidden?:((

DIFFERENCE

I could live with out you; letting you live without me, making you feel how it would `ve made a difference to you, If we'd been together.

EXPERIENCE

I cant tell you how grateful I am to all of you for enduring my whims and patiently listening to my crabby talks :) Blogging has made me pretty self-reliant and most of all,it has made me aware of a side to myself which even I was not completely latched onto.And that's amazing! But what matters most is the experience that comes with any endeavour that one is really proud of. When something steers me away from the plethora of inhibitions,variety of apprehensions(that a person like me is principally made of ) and help me come to terms with realities of life,I'm forced to think it's Magic! Then though, there is a possibility in every chance and probablity in every decision.No,I'm not confused.Life throws a chance and a decision is thrown back.Sounds classically "text-book" in nature but it's true.The key to being wise is to throw a right decision back even when numerous other feasible decisions crop up.Nothing turns out right but something still emerges.And it is a change that causes it.And it's experience that brings about a change.Dazzling indeedAnd when things go wrong it's experience that prompts one from stop wondering.Because wondering about something in the wrong is like being blind towards the right things that come with it.Every struggle,every circumstance,every hazard...just about everything had something to put in me.These nuggets of wisdom that I chanced upon came a long way in making me sort out a lot of things.And that's good enough because knowing that I know how to act itself is relieving.but hang on..illusion+hallucination+assumption= great confusionAnd have I done just that?All right but now, Welcome back to my wonky zonky world :)

WHY FEW INTIMATE RELATION ARE SHORT LIVED

In life at one point of time irrespective of age every one emotionally involves with opposite gender. How ever be, every one will fall under a magic spell. That enchanting spell will control our thoughts, actions and speech. We would tune to his/her emotional prerequisite and behave very differently to please them. When we grow emotional over a person we lose the ability to be logical and act in foolish ways we would never do other wise. We will yield to their emotional affection and tend to possess each other when we encounter this magic charm. I am talking about the phase when we walk on the line to possess the person and relationship with a subtle love for them which we won’t be realizing. If we walk on the line for long time, we surrender to their will or they will surrender to ours falling into something deeper and deeper until one day when we realize the intimate emotional bond vanished leaving only bruises and hurt in heart. The surrender will either bring eternal ecstasy or curse upon our self.The sensational feeling mostly buds in the form of beautiful friendship. Initial spell will trigger the friendship but moment the fascinating charm brings emotional attachment, dependency and the willingness to share every moment of our daily life it urges us to spend more time with them through all medium of communication. We will sneak our self from the hectic work schedule to spend time in each other’s company attempting to make ourselves understood or understand them. We will do late night talks over mobile, start the day with a call to or from them, rush back to desk after quick lunch to chat through net in between the work time so as we don’t miss an opportunity to share every moment of our day. Though we will be cherishing the blossomed beautiful intimate zealous platonic relationship, subtly our mind which is usually preoccupied with our own concerns now become filled with thoughts of other expecting them to think about us the way we think about them. Our emotional attachment, dependency and the thoughts of the other person that filled in our mind & heart will aspire to carry the friendship into a different relationship with a desire. We always want more in everything like the PEPSI tag line “Yeah Dil mangaey more”. The desire for new bondage will cast a power full spell of possessiveness possessing us. The mutely penetrated extra special feeling over them can be perpetual or ephemeral. How ever it is, we will enjoy living in the spell which enchants us giving a new experience of indescribable feelingWhen we are caught up in this want more feeling , we are pliable and emotional. We will be constantly influenced and manipulated to talk what they want to hear, to do what they feel good and just as often tune to their needs. Falling for this special feeling and willing to capitulate is not a matter of magic but of psychology. We suddenly feel haven in their emotional warmth and overwhelmed by them. We will pray the new found emotional warmth doesn’t sever but may not know how to handle ourselves when we have the desire to keep it eternal. This kind of special feeling, one step before love is a two edged knife. It can sprinkle eternal ecstasy or can leave us vulnerable, confused and lost.People are dying to be overwhelmed to let go their usual stubbornness and enjoy being vulnerable.When our heart is subjugated with the thoughts of other we try to express our emotional feeling or keen to know their interest. The fear of being ignored or rejected or judged urges us to find other’s feeling towards us in subtle way as we will not dare to sever the intimate platonic relation we enjoy till then. This is the feeling that carries the relationship into love. Lucky are those who are gifted to walk across the line creating a bond of love, but most of the time the emotional involvement walks us through the line demolishing the existing relationship and challenges the equation of the intimate emotional bond of friendship. Because most the time we eat more than what we can chew. The love towards a person will peep into our heart sidelining the love towards the relationship that exists mutually between us. Till the spell was casting a friendship bond we would have been sharing and enjoying each other’s company accepting the other as they are and loved the emotional bond with no expectation and prejudice. Moment we want more out of a relation ship we cross the line bringing an expectation into our heart making us fragile to get easily hurt. When situations fail to assist in leading the relationship further, we inflict a hex upon our self. The duality of the charming spell, hex, is so cruel that it will leave you completely naked, susceptible and lost. After a few incidents of hurts and humiliation, we will realize how foolish we behaved. We will start to feel we are taken for granted as well as we would have taken other for granted. We no more speak with open mind and the urge to share our emotions in a way we used to do deplete. We turn indifferent when our self pride is challenged and will try to inflict pain on each other through silence. Our self defense mechanism develops an invisible wall to avoid further hurt and humiliation by not expressing our emotions creating a distance and separation. We start to hate being vulnerable with them which at one time we are willing to be. We bring a stalemate in the relationship now but don’t know how to revert back and maintain the earlier enjoyed intimate emotional bond of friendship. We often lay and travel over one way traffic lane in relationships whether it is friendship, love or husband – wife. We expect from others but not ready to full fill their expectation. Our one way behavior would have gone beyond our control with plenty of disappointment yet will yearn to have the initial zealous friendship though by this time we would have walked over a long distance in the one way lane.The major reason for our inability to hold on any relationship after a few ruffling is we are not receptive to others. We want our need to be served but don’t bother to full fill others emotional need making them very vulnerable. At the extreme vulnerable state every one is insecure and afraid of loosing a relationship. When one is insecure in the relation, we fail to reassure them that we are there for them. We leave them with no reassurance due to our immaturity of taking them for granted or for our selfish concerns. We want others to be receptive and wish to hear regularly from them that we are valued, cherished and given importance in their life but we fail to reciprocate. We want others to reach us at the time of our difficulty with out being asked or judged but we fail to reach them when it is needed. Because, most of the time we walk in one way traffic lane. We want them to surrender to us but we don’t. We stop to share our emotions but expect from them .The intimate enchanting relationship gets under siege then. Everything perishes in one sided process. A single hand can never do a hand shake. During the siege, our heart will be filled with the thoughts of loved one more than what our mind was filled with during “yeah Dil Mangay more” enthralling stage. More we dwell in their thoughts more we want to reconnect with them yet mind urges us to avoid fearing the humiliation or hurt would repeat. We would have lost the wonderful relationship because we forgot the basic rule that sharing and expressing our emotions nurture the relationship. We develop an ego and avoid each other in a false hope that it would make us stronger but deep inside we will yearn to reconnect with them but wont know how to because we are egoistic and not ready to give away. The magic spell will create opportunity to get back the intimate friendship but we would be sarcastic to worsen it further. Most of us believe once the intimate emotional feeling is developed, there is no need to spend time with each other to thrive it forever. Every plant needs regular watering; nourishment and attention to have it blossom with flowers and fruits even if it has grown as a tree. The same is true with all relationships whether it is friendship, love or any other. Regularly reassuring the care towards each other is vital in any relationship other wise it will turn to be a malnourished child and will decompose one day.When the hurt is inflicted time doesn’t heal the wound. Silence or distancing doesn’t solve the purpose. It only aggravates the hurt and sows the seed for deceitful interactions creating an aversion over them on long run. If we win over our worthless ego and ready to forgive our selves & other, find time for each other as we did in the initial stages, talk openly venting out the entire suppressed wrath with no self justification and courage to accept the mistakes, we can retrieve the zealous enchanting relationship that existed before. If we do so, the relationship will be stronger than ever before even if we had inflicted pain to ourself and others. It is no concern as we will be looking to win back the earlier fervent friendship that existed with intimate altruistic emotional care and passionate support towards each other keeping us in high sprit & cheer bringing a positive vibes and strength in our life.Or the wonderful zealous, enchanting, emotional friendship will be just a past memory turning the once intimate friends to known strangers.

CASUALLY

Heyyy there! i know... i know Blogging is an addiction i`m trying my best to catch up on it. i went for an interview to Bangalore on 5Th.may 07 & got back on 12Th. Life is moving on and on and i,m still looking at it in bewildered awe. not because it,s so fast but because it's full of surprises. mom says life is not picture per fact & i,m just beginning to relies that.Nevertheless, it's thrilling to embrace all the imperfections and get on life with pretending as though everything has been just right. That apart, the week that went by was rather kicky and here all a few things, off the top of my head.... * i was in Delhi at the bus stop the other day and asked this young lady if she was going to board my bus. she gave me a mischievous smile i asked her a second time and she said nothing. After sometime she hopped on her boy friend's bike and smile back GOD....... I Felt so bummed........ *I've been walking a lot lately The last one i remember was from Maurice nagar to my hostel in kng's it's immense peace of mind to walk around ND even better, if it's purposeless:) *A bunch of Englishmen screwed up my shopping in c.p They looked so hawwwT! like Jaw- drooping hot! i was too busy following them around and had no time to concentrate on shopping:) My final exams are already begin& i,m too knackered to even glimpse those books. so then do i have a choice? of course not! BTW I`m fully tied up the coming week. it's fussy & taking timeout is gonna be virtually impossible. last year post graduation is certainly back- breaking :( :( & this year is horrible then i thought it was going to be. Toughing it out lies within, though... my mind is turning into one big freakish thing making it all the more difficult I,m out of my head most of the times & when i`m in, I have all my screws loose . Nothing unusual i know that life`s all about striking a balance The point is weather I stick onto or let it slip away........loll. special note_ Thanks for always being there:)

10 POINTS AND THINGS

10 THINGS I WANNA DO BEFORE I DIE

1. Be like the following: My Dad, NICK, MR.A, Mom and SONU my friends tough but gentle, strong, cool, sensitive, sensible &a prefect parent&adorable human soul i,am bless when i have all these priceless possession by my side nothing in the world i demand more than the people i mentioned above my best friend: Nick& MR.A, Miss She i address's her as mom, Sonu my superstar hit on the chart my dad my mentor, support system.
2. Take my parents to a world trip .
3. Do something memorable.
4. Buy an organ& play to my heart's full.
5. Be in active sports.
6. Help make some one's life better.
7. Be on a position of a co. C.E.O or may be run my own co.
8. Wan to do L.L.B.
9. Be a friend more than a mom to my would be children.... ha ha ha...
10. Write, Direct & Act in a movie also want to write my biography &publish it.

10 THINGS I CAN DO

1. Make others laugh.
2. Talk to strangers & gel well with them perfectly in an unknown group of people.
3. Prepare cold coffee, Maggi, & sandwich Ummmmm........ :)
4. Scan a person as i got a good 6 sense.
5. Eat & eat without getting fat
6. Paint a bit, Write a bit, Sing a bit, play a organ a bit.
7. Bark like a puppy & meow like a cat.
8. Stay quite for a very long time.
9. Impress someone by my style ha... ha ...ha..
10. Ride a Bike. yes I can do it.

10 THINGS I CAN`T DO

1. Dance, cook,& swim.
2. Sleep for less then 6 hrs.
3. Keep my computer shut down for more than 2 hrs. while i,am in the room.
4. Escape the night prayer daily before i go to bed.
5. Frag properly in quake.
6. Sleep with light switched on.
7. Turn& twist & then talk.
8. Stay in a dirty room.
9. Stay cool & smile under pressure.
10. Hide my emotions & fool my self.

10 THINGS I SAY THE MOST

1. Hit Thar.
2. Yuppie.
3. OE!
4. Wow.
5. Crap.
6. Damn.
7. Shit.
8. f_ _k
9. Shut up.
10. Idiot.

10 THINGS I LIKE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX

1. That fact that they are from the opp. sex he ... he .. he
2. Intelligence & Practicality
3. Smartness
4. Their cool, fun loving attitude
5. Care & respect for women
6. Sense of humour
7. Height
8. Mannerisms & Attic ates
9. Dressing sense
10. Overall personality.

10 THINGS I WANNA BUY

1. An organ ummm... guitar/ saxophone
2. A Nikon camera
3. A racing bike
4. A car i won't name` coz am waiting for the latest & the best
5. Jewellery,(gold, diamonds n rubies......) leather bag's& purses.
6. A posh ban glow.
7. A house in the woods
8. H-No. b-206
9. Carted plane
10. A big business empire / industrial unit in India or ab rod.

10 THINGS THAT TURN ME

1. Bird chirping at down
2. A sight of the city at night.... black sky dotted with stars above, street lights glittering beneath with the sound of the distant traffic.
3. A new born baby sound sleep
4. Temple bells &mantras chanted
5. The Wilderness
6. A young animal(puppies,kittens,anything)
7. A sexy dude......he he....
8. When ever i meet Nick or received his call
9. 26Th. January parade& National Anthem
10. My school days.

DUMB`S LOVE

"Eyes speak the soul.

that your heart doesn`t wann;

into my ears in silence.

neither you could speak.

nor you could hear

A dumb in love".

I SMELL OF YOU

Have you not waited all this while, for a taste of me on your lips? my slow ragged breathing, across your forehead? Did you not dream of me in those nights that left a burning desire to hold me close to your heart? Did you not wish to hear me moan your name, as you pumped me with your love? Did your lips not wait eagerly to plant small kisses on the curve of my back? And today............. finally....... I Smell of you:)

REBOOT

Been outta the loop for too long. time to reboot the blog and i do it now. lotta things to write about the last 6 months, so a few posts coming up quick. hope you (whoever reads this blog by mistake) enjoy'em,.